Fifty Shades made ME Gray
I put it off as long as I could but with a nod to the necessity of keeping current with my clients, I delved into the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by E. L. James. Now before I begin what will turn out to sound like a rant, let me first say this: several of my clients have reported a dramatic increase in their libido and sexual happiness since reading these books. To them, I say, “Congratulations!” Truly, I am most happy that reading these books has boosted their health and happiness in this way where nothing else could. For everything there is a reason, and I see these books as serving one good purpose for my clients and I am grateful for that.
What disturbs me, however, is that the Fifty Shades of Grey series is being read by women, young and old, who will not see the absolute horror in its pages. They may not consciously absorb the messages, but what about subconsciously?
Where do we, as women, fail to understand that being in a relat ionship based on power and control is just not normal! I wish someone would explain to me how these books, which place a very young woman in the absolute control of a power-hungry young man, have become so popular! Why are we not disgusted? Why are we not out-raged? Why are we not horrified to think of women believing this is “normal?”
Because, my friends, it most certainly is NOT normal. When Ana, the main character, refers to her husband as a “control freak” as if that were some form of endearment, it makes my hair turn gray! Do we not recognize what control is? It’s ABUSE!
Now before you get your knickers in a knot, know that I know exactly what I am talking about here. This is a topic near and dear to my heart and I am completely confident in my understanding of what dictates abuse and what doesn’t. And any man that asks you where you are every moment of the day, who shows up at your workplace unannounced to &l dquo;check on you,” who monitors your email, tracks your menstrual cycles, buys you your clothes, insists on having you ask permission to go out shopping or have a coffee with your friends is not a loving, caring, dear “control freak.”
He is a wife abuser.
I don’t care how hot and sexy and “loving” he may appear to be. I don’t care if he has had a screwed up childhood that has “made him” who he is today. It’s wrong. It’s screwed up. And it should not be tolerated!
Abuse comes in many forms. Power and control can be exerted emotionally, mentally, sexually, economically, socially, and physically. It’s all abuse. Plain and simple. If I could wave a magic wand today, I would wish for every woman to wake up and understand that simple fact.
Ladies, I hope should you be involved, EVER, with a man like Christian Grey, that you run like hell in the opposite direc tion!
Mothers, I hope that if your daughters are reading these books, you take the time to speak to them about what constitutes a healthy relationship and explain that there is nothing healthy at all about the relationship between Ana and Christian.
And women everywhere, if you read these books and they caused you to embrace your sexuality more fully, then bravo for you. But might I suggest finding some erotica that doesn’t place women in the most demeaning light? There are plenty of wonderful books that will fulfill your appetite for erotica that are not based on power and control, in which women exercise their rights freely, are not demeaned and degraded. Just imagine what reading something like that would do for your libido!